Black hole

I fell in a hole and I can't get out ,and I'm taking all my life with me .I try hard to get out, but every time I try, I fell even deeper , I can't find a way out . A lot of time I think about Surrendering but I can't.  I can't fight and I can't give up . I'm standing in between and I can't move.
I need help but I don't know how or where to get it. Sometimes  I think I don't deserve it .I did things , I'm I ashamed of myself ,feeling like I don't deserve to be happy. Some time I feel it's too late for me to be saved.
Time stop for no one , maybe it's too late for me. Even if I got saved ,it's too late to start over .
What should I do , should I lay down and die .
Or maybe it doesn't matter how many mistakes I have done or how much time went by , maybe there is still a chance to break free ,To be happy.
I truly hope there is a chance because I really need one .I need a ray of hope. I need to know that I will get out one day and it won’t be too late to be happy. Do I make any sense ????

the plain truth

some of you may think i have no shame or that i have alot of time on my hand‏ ‏‎ ‎or trivial but i don't care maybe i'm all that but that what i have blog for to talk freely so i will tell what i'm hoping for now. I want the happily everafter i want the fairy tale , i want to hold hand cross finger with some one .i want when i walk near him he can't wait to touch my hand and neither do i that we walk so close so our hand bump by accident, i want to lean on his shoulder when i'm sad or just to feel him near me i want some one to hug me to feel safe i wanna hold him, kiss him and told him every thing will be ok i want to make him happy ,i want someone to live for me and to live for him.i don't want some one who can't live with out me. Is that too much to ask maybe am greedy but i fed up from say am ok because i'm not ok i want to scream saying i'm not oki . I just wanna be happy that all. I need to be happy am dying inside.